The Monday Reset — Special Edition: The Umbrella

A Therapist’s Reflection on Automatic Thoughts, Kindness, and the Stories Our Minds Create

A simple act of kindness during a rainstorm became an unexpected reminder about automatic thoughts, self-protection, and the importance of leaving room to notice the good that still exists around us.

The Umbrella

Something happened to me recently that made me stop and reflect on myself. I don't consider myself a negative person. In fact, I think I am generally pretty trusting, and I make a conscious effort to notice the good in people and in the world. But that day I was reminded of how easily we can slip into protective mode without even realizing it.

I was sitting in my car outside my son's karate studio while it poured. There was thunder and lightning, and although I wanted to go inside, I decided I would wait for the rain to settle down a little while Nico finished karate. Then someone knocked on my window.

My immediate reaction was annoyance and suspicion. What does this person want? Why is someone knocking on my window in the pouring rain? Did something happen to Nico inside? I looked over and saw a very young woman, maybe in her early twenties or possibly even a teenager, standing there holding an umbrella. She asked me, "Are you waiting for someone, or are you going inside?"

And in a matter of seconds, my mind created all kinds of possibilities—and none of them were particularly good. What does she want? Is she going to ask me for money? Does she need something from me? Why is she asking me that? Instead of simply answering her question, I responded, "Why do you ask?"

And then she said, "Because I have this umbrella. I can walk you to the building if you'd like."

That was it. She didn't want anything from me. She wasn't asking me for anything. She was standing outside in the middle of a thunderstorm offering to share her umbrella with a complete stranger. Suddenly, I felt a little ashamed of where my mind had gone.

The Stories Our Minds Create

As a therapist, I spend a great deal of time talking with people about automatic thoughts—the interpretations our minds can create before we have all the information. Yet there I was, watching my own mind do exactly that in real time. Within seconds, I had taken a knock on my window and created an entire story around it. The knock was real. The young woman was real. The umbrella was real. The questions my mind generated about her intentions were interpretations.

That distinction matters because our minds are constantly trying to make sense of incomplete information. We use our past experiences, fears, assumptions, expectations, and instinct for self-protection to fill in the pieces we do not know. Often this happens so quickly that we do not even recognize that an interpretation has occurred. We simply experience our version of events as though it were the event itself.

Sometimes that ability serves us well. Recognizing potential danger and responding cautiously can protect us. But sometimes the story our mind creates is simply wrong. Mine certainly was that afternoon.

Protection Is Not the Problem

I don't think the lesson from this experience is that we should stop being cautious or blindly trust everyone we encounter. Healthy awareness, boundaries, intuition, and good judgment matter. There are situations in which listening to our instincts is important, and being aware of our surroundings is not something we need to apologize for.

What struck me was not that I had a cautious thought. It was how quickly caution began turning into a conclusion. There is a difference between noticing that we do not know someone's intentions and automatically assuming those intentions are negative. There is a difference between protecting ourselves and allowing self-protection to become the lens through which we automatically interpret other people.

That was the part I wanted to pay attention to. I don't want to become so focused on protecting myself from what might be wrong that I lose my ability to recognize what might be good.

What We Look for Matters

I tell my clients all the time that if we are constantly searching for the negative, we are going to find it. When we repeatedly focus our attention on what is wrong, threatening, disappointing, or frustrating, our minds become increasingly skilled at identifying evidence that confirms what we already expect to see. The opposite deserves our attention too. When we intentionally begin looking for what is good, we start noticing that as well.

Yes, we live in difficult times. Terrible things happen. Spend five minutes watching the news and you can find plenty of evidence that the world can be frightening, divided, angry, and cruel. Those realities should not be denied or minimized. But they are not the entire story.

There is also beauty. There is kindness. There are small moments of humanity happening around us every day that will never make the news. There is the stranger who buys someone's coffee for no particular reason, the person who holds the door when someone's hands are full, the driver who lets another car merge into traffic, the person who notices someone struggling and quietly offers help, or the friend who checks in at exactly the right moment. Sometimes someone says something kind without ever realizing how badly the person hearing it needed those words. Sometimes there is a young woman standing in the middle of a thunderstorm who looks at a stranger sitting inside her car and thinks, She probably doesn't want to get soaked. I have an umbrella. Maybe I can help her.

What Are We Training Ourselves to Notice?

This experience left me thinking about something much larger than that afternoon. Every day, countless things compete for our attention. Some are painful, frightening, frustrating, and genuinely difficult. We should not pretend those things don't exist. Positive thinking should never require us to deny reality, minimize suffering, or convince ourselves that everything is wonderful when it isn't.

Neither should being realistic require us to notice only what is wrong.

What we repeatedly give our attention to can influence how we experience the world around us. If much of what we consume involves conflict, danger, outrage, cruelty, and division, it can become increasingly easy to believe that those things represent the whole of humanity. They don't. The problem is that ordinary goodness is usually much quieter.

Acts of kindness rarely arrive with headlines. The neighbor who brings food to someone who is sick probably won't make the evening news. Neither will the teacher who stays a few extra minutes with a struggling student, the child who comforts another child, the person who returns a lost wallet, or the stranger who notices that someone could use an umbrella.

These moments can seem insignificant when viewed individually, but collectively they tell another story about the world we live in. I want to make sure I am paying attention to that story too.

Leaving Room for Another Explanation

There was another lesson in this experience that stayed with me. When we don't have all the information, perhaps we can practice leaving a little room between what happened and the story we tell ourselves about what happened.

Someone doesn't respond to our message, and we think they are ignoring us. Someone's tone sounds different, and we assume they are upset with us. A friend cancels plans, and we decide they don't value the friendship. Someone looks at us a certain way, and we imagine they are judging us. A stranger knocks on our car window, and within seconds our mind has decided that they probably want something from us.

Sometimes our interpretation may be accurate. But sometimes there is another explanation we haven't considered. Creating that little bit of space does not require us to dismiss our instincts. It simply allows us to ask, "What else could be true?" That question can be surprisingly powerful. It gives us an opportunity to gather more information before responding emotionally to a conclusion our mind created. In my case, all I needed was one more sentence from that young woman to completely change the meaning of the situation.

Kindness Requires Us to Notice It

There is another side to this experience that I don't want to overlook. That young woman did not have to approach my car. She could have walked inside and gone about her day. Instead, she noticed another person sitting in a car during a storm and considered what that person might need.

Kindness often begins with attention. We have to notice the person whose hands are full before we can hold the door. We have to notice that someone seems quieter than usual before we can ask whether they are okay. We have to notice that someone is standing alone before we can invite them into the conversation. We have to notice that another person may be struggling before we can offer help. Perhaps one way of finding more goodness in the world is not only to look for it, but also to participate in creating it.

This Week's Monday Reset

For this week's reset, I want to offer something slightly different: look for evidence of goodness. Not because everything is good. Not because we should ignore danger, pain, injustice, disappointment, or difficult realities. Simply because those things do not deserve to become the only things we notice.

Pay attention to the small gestures that might normally pass unnoticed. Notice someone being patient. Notice generosity. Notice the person who helps without being asked. Notice kindness between strangers. Notice someone making another person laugh. Notice when someone gives you their full attention. Notice when you are the recipient of a small act of care.

Perhaps take it one step further by becoming part of the evidence yourself. Hold the door. Send the message. Give the compliment. Let someone go ahead of you. Check on the person who has been on your mind. Smile at someone. Offer help when you can. Share the umbrella. Sometimes changing what we notice also changes what we contribute.

A Reflection

This week, pay attention to where your mind goes when you don't have all the information. Do you tend to assume the worst? Do you fill in the missing pieces with fear, rejection, criticism, judgment, or distrust? Are there moments when your mind creates a story so quickly that you begin responding emotionally to that story before you have had an opportunity to discover what is actually true?

Then ask yourself another question: What evidence of goodness have I encountered recently that I may have barely noticed? Think about the people you interacted with, the small gestures you witnessed, the kindness you received, or even the kindness you offered someone else. Maybe there is more of it around us than we realize.

Closing

What stayed with me most about that afternoon was not the fact that I had a negative thought. A certain amount of caution and self-protection is human. I don't expect myself—or anyone else—to move through the world without it. What stayed with me was realizing how quickly my mind had written an entire story before I knew what was actually happening.

I don't want to stop protecting myself when protection is necessary. But I also don't want the need to protect myself to become the lens through which I automatically see other people. I want to leave room for another explanation. I want to leave room to be surprised. Most importantly, I want to leave room for kindness.

I want to remember something I have told my clients countless times: what we repeatedly choose to notice can shape the world we experience. If we look only for what is frightening, disappointing, or wrong, there will always be evidence available. But if we intentionally pay attention to generosity, connection, compassion, beauty, and goodness, there is evidence for those things too.

That afternoon, kindness literally knocked on my window, standing there in the pouring rain and holding an umbrella.

And for a moment, I almost mistook it for something else.

I'm grateful I received the reminder.

Maybe this week, we can all look for a few more umbrellas.

Cristina Mantilla, LMHC